Honesty

You are one in a million
and I should have known that
- I apologize for my false opinion
You are one in a million
and I should have valued that
- and not hit you with my false religion...

My heart will always belong to you
it will be here to serve you
To hold you when you feel it
to love you when you need it.

-dedicated to my beloved soul-brother

Powerless

Is there any point in calling you?
Is there any point in waiting?
Is there any point in trying?
Is there any point in loving?

I would say "NO"
but I have no heroism in myself
I have a weak soul,
so I keep on saying "YES"

I keep on admitting my fault
I keep on rejecting all the words you say
I keep on telling you: "I want!"
but you keep on rejecting me today.

I am looking for your heart,
that you seem to have lost.
I am looking for you heart,
that you threw away and tossed.

I hate you and there's nothing I can do with it.

Excuse

Sorry for today,
my little drunken sailor.
My heart is like an ashtray,
like a B-side movie trailer.

The weekend was hard
and saturday was sober
And you were like a dart
stabbing me in cold october

Today I felt ignored,
tortured and excluded
Am I yet to be explored
or am I to be concluded?

But words don't change the situation
They are just a simple excuse
They lower us to frustration
but still help us refuse.

Monolog

Každý večer se vracel, a vlastně nevracel se večer, nýbrž téměř pravidelně v ranních hodinách.
Tedy: Každé ráno se vracel s pocitem naplněného a prožitého večera. Ale každý další a další
den si ta rozervaná existence uvědomovala, že ty večery vlastně nejsou naplněné, a už vůbec ne prožité.
Stávají se pouze povinností účastnit se jakého si společenského kolorytu, aby se nestal vyvržencem.
A ostatně jak to každý známe - povinnosti stávají se časem nesnášenými aktivitami, stávají se pouze kroky,
které stále dokola vykonáváme, abychom pouze něco, či někoho uspokojili.

V případě tohoto typicky bohémsky nesrozumitelného chlapce se ten koloryt stává spíše utíkáním před strachem -
utíkáním před strachem z vyvržení a strachem z toho, že svým pouhým nezájmem
o ten jistý koloryt přestane pro okolní svět existovat.

Znovu byla pokročilá ranní hodina, ale dnes to bylo jiné - nebyl opojen, nebyl opilý (i přesto že byl pátek) a v hlavě
se mu tudíž začal odehrávat monolog, který vlastně velmi reálně odrážel jeho stav,rozpoložení, sevření:
"Skutečně je lidskost - ano myslím tím lidskost, humánnost- tu přirozenost - Skutečně je lidskost tak neuvěřitelně nevděčná?
Proč musí člověk svoji lásku obhajovat i přes to, že ono citové zaujetí je vždy zřetelné? Proč musí dokazovat svoji
vstřícnost i přes to, že je naprosto zřejmá? Proč se tak těžko hledá důvěra, když se tak lehce ztrácí? A proč je tak těžké býti milován i přesto že vy milujete z celého svého srdce?"

Nevěděl co si odpovědět.
Nevěděl zkrátka proto, protože na tyto otázky odpověď neexistuje.

Self-Offence 3

Did you ever fall asleep
with a smile on your face?
Have you ever cried before sleep?
Have you ever tried to live in slower pace?

Have you ever tasted the bitterness of self-eviction?
or do you know what its like being out of selection?
Do you know what loosing friends is like?
Or do you know what it's like being in dislike?

I guess you don't realise
it only seems so easy
Maybe you want to compromise
and you're just suprisingly busy.

Break me, chrash me and finish me off
I may feel better when thrown away
Better than beeing pressed and sealed-off
by your misunderstanding way-

I wish I was dead
I wish I was asleep
I wish I clsed my eyes with a smile
I wish I lived that day without a weep.

I ruin everything I can
and I make everyone hate me
everyone who met me quickly ran
and no-one attempts to save me

I, again, am suffering with self-offence
sent down to knees with decadence
My soul-eyes are blind
no chance of finding a bind.

I HATE MYSELF, I HATE MYSELF, I HATE MYSELF.

Heroes Don't Smoke (The Lost Generation)

Heroes don't smoke
Heroes don't drink
Take nor dope
Or even sink

We are their kids
the summerspring leafs
The optimistic breeze
full of long-term beliefs

But we have stumbled
we have rejected
and we have refused to subserve

We tried to obey
and we tried to listen
but we've missed our thanksgiving pay.

But what now?
Do we have to pray?
Do we have a religion?
or do we have to stay?

No resolution
no reserve.
We are the lost generation,
we should have subserved.

We are the lost generation,
we have fire in our eyes.
We are the lost generation,
with unconformist minds.
We are the lost generation,
with no more here to find.
We are the lost generation,
we have nobody with a sign.

Daunted, silent
lying with a single sigh.
Slaughtered, standard
but we always hoped to try.

But why should we try,
when we have nobody on whom to rely.
Why should we try,
when we can't even cry.

Again: we are silent,
we should have tried to cry.
Again: we are silent,
we should have shot that guy!

Back to normal now,
I have told my thoughts,
I have released my soul.
And now - I gratefully bow.

32 Crowns

Sitting alone with my bittersweet friends
Thinking 'about life and listening to Bends
I Came to conclusion, that i'm useless
but still think, that i'm quite wreckless

My life is wasted, but bottomless
ruined, logical, but profitless

I would like to return to basics
I would like to be abnormal, but real
erase myself from the paylist
and stamp my past with a great big seal

One would think,that love would be enough
but i am in love, but in a way that is rather tough

I don't care anymore about were my future throws me,
because i guess there's no-one who'll refer to me,
no-one who'll remember me,
and no-one who'll regret loosing me.

Thirty-two crowns lying in front of me,
"Make love, or get excited" they're telling me
on a dusty table full of filthy disease
with a rather amusing or stunning ease.

I laugh and i don't believe
I doubt their words
and seek relief
I tell them they are too optimistic and live in different worlds

Anyway, where's the point of the debate
when my heart is broken and waking up too late?
There's nothing new I can create
and no new key to open up the gate

So I don't regret myself anymore
I just laugh at myself,
and automatically scratch my hurting soar.

Self-Offence 2

esterday was a blast
but today is back to spleen
I thought it could maybe last
but I was naive like a teen

My soul is down
and my passion is gone
I feel I have to drown
and I can't make it to dawn

I am slowly giving up
believing myself no more
breaking up that coffee cup
from which I drunk the cure

With no cure and with no hope
I may as-well just leave this place
preparing myself a golden rope
I treat myself as if erased

My love will never be real
and my heart will never be healed
I tried to make an appeal
but future seems as sealed

Why do I deserve this?
Have I hurt you?
Why do I deserve this?
Have I hurt you?

Are you afraid of me?
Or do you hate me?
Do you like ignoring me?

...or...

or do you love me?

Fly Away

I wanna stand up
and fly away
I wanna step up
and lead the way

I became a wreck,
a lonely southern cowboy
I so much wanna get back
and become again that happy boy

Looking in to the mirror I see
such a young guy, already fucked up
He knows what he wants to be
but simply cannot stand up

All those happy faces
become dark and sad in my eyes
I see the world tangled in laces
I feel my soul as it suddenly cries

COME ON, WAKE UP!
COME ON, STAND UP!
COME ON, STEP UP!
And lead the way.

I can now say i'm ready
to take off and fly
I can now say i'm ready
to say goodbye.

Self-Offence

Am I ignored?
Am I rejected?
Is it my fault,
or i have i succeeded?

I tried and I failed
I hoped and I just trailed
I hurt myself and betrayed myself
just to make a friend I improved myself

But how could I improve?
what an absurd word!
how could I even preserve
this humble and insane world?

Yes, I am compressed
Yes, I am depressed
No, I have nor recessed
No, I have not processed

So can I gain improvement?
or will I fall in to some insanement?
My heart is rotten and fallen
full of impact and sudden

I feel something as my fault
Are you a friend or my simple cult?
something as my own offense
Or is it something unbinding us, like a simple fence?

Please, show me the path, show me the way
tell me if the skies are grey
Please tell me what the problem is
or read to me you single thesis.

Is it me, or is it you?
Is it my consciousness or is it your negative?
Please open up your fucking soul
and become at least a little positive!

I know you, and I love you
I believe you and I hold you
I don't wanna let go of you
And I don't wanna limit you.

Is there a problem?
Am I annoying you and being rotten?
is there a block?
Or am I crying just like a living rock?

Please answer my questions
or please reject my religions
Please tell me where the truths lie
or tell me if it's insane to cry.